Fart Alert!

"Kung isang matinding kasalanan lang ang pag-utot na may pataw na kamatayan dito sa ating lipunan, marami na sigurong mga nabitay ang walang kasalanan at napagbintangan lamang dahil sa di tuwirang pag-amin ng tunay na salarin."

Photo: Courtesy of Blood Pressure and Health

Hindi ko malaman kung bakit ang pag-utot o ang utot eh isang napakaling isyu sa ating mga Pilipino? Marahil siguro parte na ito ng ating kultura o marahil natural na sa ating mga Pilipino ang palakihin ang mga bagay-bagay na hindi naman dapat pinalalaki. (Ang paggamit ng viagra ay ibang usapan.) Pero normal naman ang pag-utot o ang taong umuutot. Pag ikaw nga ay na-operahan, senyales ng iyong mabilisang paggaling ay ang pag-utot. Hindi ba't nakakaginhawa ang pag-utot? Napakasarap sa pakiramdam. Mapapa-oohlala ka! Napakaraming benepisyo ng pag-utot. Nakakapinsala nga lang ang produktong likha nito - ang utot. At dahil dito, napakalaking isyu sa atin kung sino ang umutot dahil isa siyang demonyo. Napakasama niya. Yan ang tingin nating mga Pilipino sa taong umuutot. Isa siyang diyablo, kriminal, salawahan, tampalasan, isang animal! Para mo nang tinanggalan ng kaluluawa ang mga taong napinsala mo. Kumbaga ang tingin natin sa taong umutot eh makasalanan. Pero sa taong umutot naman, yun ay isang biyaya. Isang kaginhawaan na bigay ng Maylikha. At kung isang kasalanan nga, isang 'mortal sin.' Yan ang 11th commandment. Bawal umutot. Sa English, 'Thou shall not emit poisonous gas to thy neighbor.'

At dahil diyan, siyempre, sino ba naman ang taong gustong matawag na demonyo, animal, o diyablo dahil lamang umutot siya. Nakakahiya diba? Kasi ang baho ng utot mo eh. Nahihiya ka na ikaw 'yon. Dahil sa iyong utot malalaman lahat ang pinakatatago mong baho. Lahat ng iyong itinatago. Ayaw mong ma-OP. Kaya naman halos lahat at hindi naman lahat eh 'in-denial' na sila nga ang umutot. For sure, magtuturo yan ng iba. Kawawa naman ang napagbintangan.

Ang pagtukoy na siguro sa kung sino ang umutot eh ang siyang pinaka-mahirap na trabaho sa buong mundo. Mas mahirap pa kaysa sa pagtukoy kung sino ang may pigsa sa puwet. Ang hirap tukuyin. Ang hirap punteryahin. Lintik na umutot yan! Ayaw umamin!

Photo: Courtesy of Stroevanka Free Life Style

So paano ba natin malalaman kung sino ang umutot? Hindi ba't malaking tulong ang malaman kung papaano matutukoy kung sino ang umutot. Although wala pa ring kasiguraduhan kung ito nga ay mabisa pero ito na marahil ang may pinakamalapit na sagot sa kababalghang bumabalot sa kung sino ang taong umutot.

UNA, tandaan natin na ang lahat ng utot eh mabaho. Kahit na hindi ganun kabaho, mabaho pa rin yan. Ibang-iba yan kaysa sa natural air. Yan ay isang uri ng hangin na may lason. So kapag magkakasama kayo ng mga kaibigan mo at may naamoy kayong hindi natural, yun ay isang utot at for sure nasa paligid mo lang yung umutot. Kaya naman tignan mo - magmasid ka. Makiramdam ka. Wag ka munang magsasalita. Hayaan mo munang may magturo. At pag may nagturo na, isa o dalawa, sumunod ka na. Magbintang ka na rin. Pero hindi ibig sabihin na kung sino ang unang nagturo eh siya ang salarin. Old school na 'yon. Ngayon, ang taong walang imik at hindi masyadong nakiki-ride, yun ang guilty. PERO kung napansin mo na isa sa mga kasama mo eh hyper sa pagtuturo sa kung sino ang salarin - kumbaga as in, hindi matawaran ang kanyang pagtuturo, for sure siya 'yon. Over defensive kasi.

PANGALAWA, ididipende mo rin sa pagkain na kinain. Halimbawa't nanggaling kayo sa isang kainan ng mga kasama mo, at maya-maya eh may naamoy na kayong kakaiba, i-flashback mo kung sino ang may kakaibang kinain. Take note, 'kakaibang' kinain ah - hindi 'maraming' kinain. Hindi mo masasabing dahil napakarami niyang kinain eh siya na nga ang salarin. Ang taong may pinaka-kakaibang combination ng kinain ang siyang salarin. Gatas-mani, mangga-juice, maasim-matamis, kamote, mani, dairy products, chocolate, yung mga tipong sa tingin mo eh 'pag nakain mo uutot ka. Kung sino ang kasama mong kumain ng ganun, eh siya nga ang suspek! Walang kaduda-duda. Sa amoy pa lang ng utot, amoy manggang hilaw na sinabayan ng pag-inom ng gatas. O kaya naman simpleng gatas. Amoy nabubulok na keso. Tipong ganun. Maamoy mo kasi sa utot kung ano yung kinain niya. Nabubulok nga lang.

PANGATLO, sa pamamagitan ng direksyon ng hangin. Halimbawa't nasa loob kayo ng isang kulob na lugar. Halimbawa sa sasakyan. Let's say sa isang SUV - sa Rav 4 halimbawa. Eh nagkukuwentuhan kayo't biglang napahinto ka't amoy kanal sa loob. Ang weird diba kasi naka-aircon kayo. Sarado ang mga bintana. For sure may umutot. And take note naamoy mo mula gitna papalikod. Eh ang direksyon ng aircon eh papalikod so for sure nasa may unahan ang umutot. Una magbibintangan yan kasi kulob eh. Yung aakalin nilang umutot eh yun ang pagbibintangan at yung hindi naman aakalaing umutot eh hindi pagbibintangan. Unfair diba. So sa harap yun. Pupuwede din naman sa likod manggagaling pero mahihirapan na ring pumunta sa harapan kasi sa direksyon ng aircon eh papalikod. Kung nasa likod man ang umutot eh halos lahat na amoy eh nandun lang. Kung sa gitna naman, eh equally distributed lang. Pero kung sa harap manggagaling, hindi ganun kaamoy sa harap kasi ang sasalo lahat ng amoy eh yung nasa likod lalung-lalo na yung sa may gitna.

PANG-APAT, sa may sasakyan pa rin. O kahit hindi sa may sasakyan. Eh di siyempre nagsimula na kayong mamintang. Pero kung yung isang kasama niyo eh hindi naman pinagbibintangan at biglang nag-react at naging defensive, for sure siya yon.

IKA-LIMA, yung taong sa tingin mo eh hindi salarin o yung hindi mo aakalaing salarin kasi nga kilala mo siyang disente at may breeding tapos tahimik lang din at pa-demure, siya yon - mapa-babae o mapa-lalaki. Walang breeding-breeding pag may umutot. Lahat balahura! No exceptions.

IKA-ANIM, pag may umutot tapos biglang nagturo ang kasama mo kahit hindi nagsasalita nang hindi tumitingin sa itinuro. Siya yon.

IKA-PITO, sa direksyon ng tunog ng utot. Hindi applicable sa silent na utot. Ibang usapan pag walang tunog ang utot. Pakiramdaman mo na lang kung saan sa tingin mo nanggaling yung utot sa pamamagitan ng tunog nung utot.

IKA-WALO, kapag ang isa sa mga kasama mo eh hindi mapakali sa pag-upo at panay ang pag-angat ng puwet o kahit ang isang pisngi ng puwet. For sure, bumubuwelo yon! Pero pakiramdaman mo pa rin. Mamaya bigla kang magturo eh it's how he/she sits lang pala. Sitting manners niya lang siguro yun. Pero once na may naamoy ka nang hindi maganda at paganun-ganun ang upo niya, titigan mo na ng masama.

At siyempre ang PANG-HULI, pag biglang may umutot at yung isa sa mga kasama mo eh biglang napatayo't hawak-hawak ang puwet at dali-daling umalis papuntang banyo. Naku po! Siya nga! Walang patumpik-tumpik. May sabaw!

Tandaan: Walang mapa-babae o mapa-lalaki pag may umutot. Walang bata o matanda. Walang sosyal o mahirap. Walang kinalaman ang third sex. Walang kinalaman ang relihiyon o ang kulay. Walang estado sa lipunan. Kahit presidente ka pa ng Pilipinas, lahat pantay-pantay. Lahat may-say. Lahat puwedeng suspek! Lahat may kasalanan! Utang na loob! Para hindi mahirapan ang bawat isa, UMAMIN KA NA LANG! The best tagline sa pag-amin, "Oops! Sorry. (Then smile with the peace sign sabay beautiful eyes or kindat)."

Kaya naman sa susunod na may umutot eh alam niyo na kung papaano ma-distinguish or ma-identify kung sino ang salarin. At kung mangyari yun, ngumiti ka na lang sabay tingin sa taong suspek mo at sabihing, "Gagu! Sana sa bibig mo na lang inilabas."


*P.S. Feel free to send suggestions, feedbacks, and comments. I'll be updating this kung may ma-discover pa akong techniques.

Winning Lotto: Just Luck or Just Fate

Lotto is one of the most popular number games not only in the Philippines but to the rest of the world. It is so popular that lotto has become a part of everyday Filipino living. Some people won't end their day without dropping-by any lotto outlet and play their bets and hope that they become the next millionaire. Others would sneak from their office break just to do the same.

Photo: Courtesy of Talakayan at Kalusugan

It is a game so popular that all people from every walk of life come and play. Mind you, I know some people who are already multimillionaires still trying their luck to win the game. I cannot forget my mum's reaction when she found out that one of her "rich" friends is playing lotto, "Grabe! Tignan mo, ang yaman-yaman na pero naglalaro pa pala ng lotto." And I said in reply, "Grabe ah! Tindi!" Maybe they got their riches winning the lotto. Kidding aside, they are already rich before they even started playing lotto. And I believe the rich plays the lotto just to entertain themselves and or 'help the less fortunate.' Yes, that's true. Some of the proceeds the Philippine Charity Sweepstakes Office (PCSO) generates from the people's bets are directly added to medical and other services fund as aid to our less fortunate brothers and sisters, some with cancers, with aids, and other diseases.

I, myself, cannot deny the fact that I also play this number game. Who knows, I may win the game. Just think positive and let "The Secret" make the winning done for you. That's my principle for winning the game. I find it entertaining, thrilling, and a suspense most especially when you check the winning numbers and compare it with your playing numbers. If you have six (6) numbers to win all-in-all, then you are the new millionaire! Just don't overly-react as people may notice and plan something bad at you. It's better to be safe. It's no ordinary amount of money. It's millions!

Photo: Courtesy of La Coacha

As of date, the highest jackpot prize won by a 'single' player is more than P700,000,000.00. That's a lot of zeros! And it's almost a billion! Who would have thought that the jackpot prize would hit that mark? What will you do with all that money? You won't get poor, of course, unless you mismanage all that money. You can buy everything you want. You wouldn't have to work through the rest of your life. You'll have the house, you'll have the cars. Almost everything! Even the hottest girls in town! Ooohlala!

But haven't you thought of this: Do you think that winning a lotto is all about a man's luck or all about that man's fate?

I somewhat believe in luck but I seldom believe in fate. Both are quite superstitious. One may be true over the other or vice-versa. 

But you know what, I believe that there is something more than luck and fate that makes a man win the lotto. I believe in the combination of both: the what we call as, "fate of luck," an inevitable course of your chance of winning the jackpot.

It is not you who has this luck or has this fate. It is your luck that has the fate that is with you that brings you closer to winning the jackpot. It means that aside from betting your numbers and waiting for the draw date, there is this something more than what your are doing that you should be doing. And what is that? That from the moment you pay your bet and wait for the draw date, you should have already prepared yourself and thought of winning that you will surely win. You must already start to think positive. Start thinking that you will win the game.

You must be prepared. Being prepared means that you are prepared because you will win the jackpot! You know that you will win the jackpot. Preparedness means a subtle change in yourself, from being the bad guy to being the good guy. You're not anymore a drinker, a "Juan tamad," a big spender, a pain in-the-ass within your family, being selfish. There are a lot of things to change in you. It is a LOT of blessings and there should also be a BIG positive change of who you are, as a person, as a Christian, and as a human being...the entirety of yourself.

And of course, what's most important is how you think of the money. What good will you do about it? How will you manage your money? How will you make it grow? How will you return the favor to the One who gave it to you? There are so many things to consider but the most important thing is, do not ever ever be influenced by the Filipino mentality that when you have a big amount of money at hand, you will spend it and buy the things you dream of having. That's a BIG NO NO!

The first thing you should do is to think how your money will grow. Invest it. Rebuilding or building a new house is considered as an investment. Yes, it is an investment. The value does not fluctuate easily unlike a car. That's right! Having read that buying a car is not an investment, you may just want to buy one car. That's the maximum. Don't get me wrong with this. I'm not pertaining to any car you want. Not a Ferrari, a Maserati, a Bugatti, a Rolls Royce, or whatsoever expensive car there is. The practical one.  You know what I mean. And then the rest goes to the bank. Remember, do not invest in any bank that offers a high return. Remember, you are already rich. You are not as desperate as before looking for a high investment return to make you rich in an instant. Again, you are already rich. While some of the money is sleeping-pretty inside a bank, grab some and invest in an ideal business. Build your own business. And if you want to learn more about what business to establish, read other business books. It will help you a lot. Do not hesitate to buy a book. Remember, you are already rich. Don't be stingy.

And of course, remember to cater those who are needy. Remember to look back from where you came from. The money is more than enough to make you live for the rest of your earthly-life. Make someone's life better. In that manner, you know that God, the One who gave it to you, will surely look upon you and say, "Child, you'll win another jackpot!"

So what do I say it is? Again, winning a lotto is not just a matter of luck or fate. It is "fate of luck." And in order for you to achieve this fate of luck, first, prepare yourself to become someone who is better if not the best, i.e. to be a good Christian. Second, think positive that you will win the jackpot. Remember, a strong will attracts. Third, be realistic and good enough on how you will handle the money. And lastly, return the blessings to the One who gave it to you even in the smallest of ways. It doesn't matter how big or small it is as long as you mean it within your heart.


Haven't you thought of it? Living your life to the fullest and being a good Christian is like winning the jackpot already? Indeed.

Eating Do's and Dont's for All-You-Can Eat

Man's natural instinct is to survive and one way of surviving is basically to eat. We, Filipinos, cannot deny the fact that we have one of the best-tasting food among other nations. That is why Filipinos really love to eat and eat, and eat a lot, every minute, not only three but even six to seven times a day, i.e. breakfast, morning snack (a light snack in-between breakfast and lunch; although this is not popularly practiced), lunch, merienda (a Spanish term for light snacks in-between lunch and dinner), dinner, and of course, when you stay awake 'til midnight, the all-time popular midnight snack.

Buffet at The Spiral, Sofitel Manila
Photo: Courtesy of Anton Diaz

And because eating is very popular to the Filipino culture, our ears clap for joy whenever we hear the most popular eating-habit, the "eat all-you-can" or the modern twist, "all-you-can eat." Buffets and order all-you-can are the two best examples of this eating-habit. More and more restaurants of this kind are sprouting like mushrooms from every corner of major destinations in the Metro. Why? Because food is becoming a trend, a wildfire that sets our mouth for sumptuous meals and tempting dishes. Man is weak when it comes to good food. "A way to a man's heart is through his stomach." It really is.

I, myself, is not innocent of this temptatious sin. And during all these years, I have mastered my own way of eating all-you-can style and last until you feel satisfied that you have matched what you paid for with what you have consumed, or even greater it and make the restaurant file for bankruptcy. Writing this article means that I want to share with you that feeling of satisfaction when it comes to eating all-you-can, from money to tummy.

Focus...you'll have to learn it from heart. These do's and dont's apply to every eat all-you-can restaurants you go to.

First thing to take note of, the moment you enter the restaurant, make sure to look for a good spot. That's right. Good spot means a lot in eating. It doesn't only add a relaxing ambiance but it will also boost how much you will consume. A not so near to the buffet table is already fine. This will give you an easy access to go back and forth, grabbing a plate, sitting, eating, then grab a plate again, then sit, and then eat and so on and so forth. Choosing a spot at the far-end makes you hopeless. It will just make you go crazy and lazy to go and grab another plate after the other. I say it, you will not enjoy most especially when the restaurant is really big. Fortunately, most restaurants have an ideal area size so going back and forth the buffet table won't be a big matter after all. You'll still enjoy!

After looking for what you think is the best spot for your 'sinful' tactics, take your seat. That's right. Sit. Aside from taking a rest after all the troubles of looking for a good spot, sitting means you 'observe.' Observe the people around you and see what food/delicacy they are getting so often. Don't worry, it doesn't look like you are a serial killer, a stalker, or a first time customer to eat in a fancy eat all-you-can restaurant...remember, if you know this, it means you are the greatest 'eat all-you-can' person in that restaurant for that day. You are a professional! You are a conosieur! Don't mind them. Let them mind their food. Then once you had an idea of the popular food for the masses, then proceed to the next do's.

After the look and the sit, it's now time to stand. Yes, stand. Stand and walk your way to the buffet table. Uh-uh-uh! It's not yet the time to grab a plate and fill it with food. Standing and walking means observing the entire buffet table. From west to east or east to west and north to south or south to north. Look around, closely. Closely means, you need to know what's that? What is the name of this and that? Is it what the masses are filling their plates so often? Is this chicken? Is this the international bestseller? Is it a poison? Is it going to kill me? Or is this cloud nine? Such as those must be considered. Visit all the stations. Oriental, Mediterranean, Japanese, Spanish/Mexican, Caribbean, Western, Asian, Indian, Thai, Local, etc., etc. Everything!

In accordance with the previous do's, you may want to grab a plate already while moving around and fill your plate with the food/delicacy that you are most familiar of. But of course you are already familiar with those food and eating in that kind of restaurant means you want to try those that are unfamiliar to you, with caution. And that is why you may want to ask the help of the station chefs/supervisors. They are there not only to prepare the food for that station but for you to ask them about this and that. It's very important. Mind you, there's a least chance for you to try all the food that is why you may want to ask help so that you can try the best of the best and maximize the capacity of your stomach.

You may want to fill a plate or two (or even three or four; this is only advisable if you are already familiar with the place, i.e. you have eaten not only once or twice in that particular restaurant. Hence, if it's your first time, a plate will do as for you to know which of which will you be liking the most and will surely be getting back for more) before you sit down as to minimize the effort of going back and forth and maximize the time-gap before your mind realizes that your stomach is already full. Remember this, time intervals is very important in eat all-you-can. Your brain may be telling you that you are still hungry but your stomach feels contradictory of what your brain is telling you. So make sure to eat continuously with minimal time intervals. I say eat and eat and eat.

Next, minimize or as much as possible do not eat any carbohydrates most especially rice, bread, and potatoes (even pasta) during your meal. These are really the space-takers inside your stomach. They easily fool you and make you full.

After a plate or two, you may want to balance the taste inside your mouth. This is to avoid being fed-up or disgusted with the food. It is very important that all the tastes, i.e. sourness, saltiness, bitterness, sweetness, and umami, must be present in the entire duration of your meal. But most of the time, sweetness is the least consumed among all the tastes. That is why it is advisable to eat desserts in-between meals. The feeling of sweetness will help boost your taste buds and soon boost your appetite giving you the feeling of wanting more. But, be weary not to overdo your desserts. Desserts are one of the heaviest and we may want to avoid eating so much of it. Just get a piece or two and try another set of dessert after another meal. In that order, you'll be able to try almost all the desserts and dishes in the buffet.

Photo: Courtesy of The Sofitel Saigon Plaza

 Finally, you may want to drink tea or any other hot drinks to dissolve the grease (sebo) inside your body and to help increase your digestion to lessen the feeling of fullness inside your stomach. 

Try following these do's and dont's and you'll see, you'll be trying more and more eat all-you-can resto just around the corner. You'll be more than satisfied once you step-out of the door and say to yourself, "I'll be back."


Beware: Having too much is bad for your health. Make sure to eat moderately according only to what your body needs. Eating too much may lead to health risks.